Search This Blog

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tuesday, It's You and Me

Oh Tuesday, you sweet beautiful bastard of a week day. You arrive with love in the form of new movies and television series. Tuesday, blessings be upon you, for you are sex for my eyes and lust for my ears. Never leave me dear Tuesday and I shall always remain true to you. How lucky are Monday and Wednesday to be sandwiched between your tender loins. Oh how Thursday doth envy thee. Friday may begin the weekend but you golden Tuesday are my only true desire. Saturday has a 'turd' in the middle of it and Sunday is an un-day in comparison. Did I forget any other days of the week? If I did, they would all be weak beside you anyhoo. Tuesday, sweet wicked sick Tuesday.

What the... Didn't Romero just release a different zombie movie last month? I could have sworn that he... well, anyway. A spin-off from Diary of the Dead, Survival follows a group of military personnel as they protect their precious genitalia from being gnawed on by rotting incisors. Do they succeed?

No one likes babies, so your guess is as good as mine as to why in the holy hell someone thought it would be a good idea to make a documentary about them.

Oh, geez, I was about to write about the movie 'HAIRY Brown.' Totally different film! This one stars Michael "I Don't Need a Bloody Cane!" Caine as an ex-military gentleman who turns rabid vigilante after seeing his proper society sent straight down the pub toilet by a bunch of no good drug-addled layabouts. Watch as Harry turns one guy's head into a Yorkshire pudding!

Manson! Hippies! Canadian! Murda! John Waters doesn't want to see it which is ironic.

-VAMPIRE DIARIES Season 1 (I bet it's!)
-HOUSE Season 6 (Still cranky after all these seasons.)

And on Blu-Ray today:
-EVIL DEAD (Witness the nasty projectile vomit and pencil-in-the-ankle jabbings in high def!)

And since we have not updated in a spell, here are a few items of note available at HYS... from the past week or so:
-LOST Season 6 (The final season-learn that there was never actually an island but instead everyone was trapped inside of a giant's stomach and just dreaming they were stranded in a hallucinogenic paradise with giant polar bears and the leprechaun from Lord of the Rings.)
-LOVE HATE and PROPAGANDA (I can't type George Strombopopoplupoplus.)
-DEXTER Season 4 (I still can't believe the nice gay guy from Six Feet Under kills people.)
-GANGLAND Season 5 (After 4 previous seasons, the show ran out of scary gangs so this season features a hardcore crew from Delaware who paint themselves blue and call themselves "Da Smurfz."
-MAX HEADROOM ("Oh my God, Max Headroom is on DVD!!" "Do you want to rent it?" "Naw.")

Have You Seen... attended the Festival of Fear/FanExpo 2010 in Toronto this past weekend. Look for a detailed rundown here soon. Which really translates to 'sometime in early 2011.'

Peace out everyone and get in here and rent you some damn DVDs!!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Future of Yesterday is Here Today!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog silence to bring you news on this important home video release. (end)

Deathsport and Battletruck are now available, together, on one digital versatile disc. (end)

It took scientists 4-years of painstaking research and an estimated U.S. $14 million to figure out how these two stupidendous movies could be combined onto the same disc. Experts were able to place Deathsport onto the medium with little problem but the moment Battletruck was added, all hell broke loose. The films would immediately begin attacking each other in a futuristic way, causing each to slip off of the DVD and plummet into a vast wasteland where only the strong survive. Search and rescue teams cloaked in bad costumes would be forced to lure the films out of the abyss with bad acting and promises of great riches, a better tomorrow and mini-bikes wrapped in tin foil. (end)

Before Deathsport and Battletruck could be placed on a DVD together, scientists had to devise a cunning digital wall to separate the movies. This process had never been tried before and experts were stunned to learn it worked. (end)

Researcher Franklin Jeff Connors said "We did it. I don't know how we did it, though." (end)

It is not without some degree of irony that the cost of packaging these films together far surpassed the amount of both of their budgets combined 97 times over. But it had to be done because these movies both share a post-apocalyptic theme and have titles that are two words blended together to make one new fancy word. (end)

Come down to Have You Seen... video store and rent history of the future in the making. (end)